This past week I've been handling some demons. Not necessarily related to my WLS, but demons nonetheless.
My anxiety and depression have started to gives me issues, the medication I've been taking for years no longer works. I was taking it in the mornings and after surgery,I had to switch formulations because I can't take extended release medications. This caused my blood pressure to drop and make me pass out or so weak I had to lay on the floor. Multiple times. So, I started taking it in the evenings, to try to sleep through the sick feeling. Well, that didn't work so much. It caused insomnia. So, going against everything I believe, I stopped taking the medication.
Yeah. Bad idea. Really bad, stupid idea.
The thing about some conditions is that people are hard-wired a certain way and some psychiatric conditions are genetically linked. I was once told by a psychologist (the ones that don't dispense drugs) that if a person has tried to stop taking medication for depression and/or anxiety, among other psychiatric conditions, that it is very likely they will have to continue to be on medication for life. If someone tells me that depression isn't genetically linked, I can show you my family tree and show you otherwise. Maybe my entire family is just screwed mentally, but it's the most basic nature versus nurture debate there could be. Some people have a hard time accepting this information and through my experience and studies that this is fact.
The sh!t has hit the fan. I've been wanting to start working, I got hired in March, but I'm still waiting on my license to go through. Then, on the way to my graduation, my car broke down, we had to get a rental to make it on time. We thought that the problem with the car was an easy fix, but here we are, four weeks later and my car is still in the shop in BFE, Georgia. I'm still not working because the state has yet to process my final two pieces of paperwork (which they have had for a month). The rental car that we had for 3 weeks cost about 4 months worth of car payments. Bummer. And if (God forbid!) my dog ran away, it would be a total country song.
I know things in life happen. I usually can handle them. But the problem with all of this is that I have depression and am unmedicated. For me, that's a bad combination. I have been craving food like it's nobody's business. All the bad food I know I can't eat. I didn't eat any of it. I didn't cook any of it. But that doesn't mean I'm not sitting here thinking about homemade macaroni and cheese (with hot-dogs of course).
I took the plunge, reached out to my support system (which happens to rock) and became accountable for myself. Made an appointment and got in immediately with a new psychiatrist here in my new town. He's double board certified in psychiatric and internal medicine.
Other than that HUGE medical practice (it's like a small hospital- 2 floors) and the more than 1 hour wait, needless to say I mostly liked the doctor. I know the practice doesn't make the doctor but I think the type of setting a person chooses to practice in says a lot about the person. He didn't make the impression on me that my previous PCP did, but he did take the research articles I brought in regarding medications, nutritients and how those are affected in an RNY post-op. I've got a follow up in two weeks. We'll see how that goes and maybe I've got a new PCP here. In a month, the MD will run some new blood work to supplement my 6 month lab work to determine if the deficiencies present have started to clear up and determine if there's any others that need addressing... because if there's anything someone with RNY should know is that deficiencies show up, cause havoc on your system and mask themselves as all kinds of insanity in our systems.
So, I'm on a new medication to control my depression.
I have never tried this one in the past, but I'm optimistic.
It's all I've got to go on right now is my sarcastic optimism.